Always and almost Failing......

   As I reminisce on those days growing up in the Barrio in San Marcos, I recall now how uneducated that I was. In 1970 however, and thanks to an Eye Doctor at the A fees Station in San Antonio, Texas at the Induction Center for our Military, I found out then that I needed glasses because I was nearsighted. Therefore, little by little as as I had to proceed through the passing of time, I came to realize other factors that contributed to my inability to learn in school. And as  this story here unfolds one will see these other factors playing out as I almost flunk the Military's Entry Tests twice. And how I got to the situation for volunteering into the Military Service in the first place. My whole life from this point to the present will be plagued with near failures at all that I set my mind to accomplish in my life. It seemed to me, because my wife would later tell me that as far as she was concerned, it seemed that invisible mythological gods were pulling our strings and were intent on seeing us fail. The feelings as far as I was concerned then did seem like all the odds were set against me because it seemed that bets were made in hopes that I would lose. And my ignorant ways did mostly contribute to this end anyway. Remember that I flunked the first grade and dropped out in the six grade. At the Induction Center I was given a ten day grace period to repeat the first test over because I flunked the written test. And after I returned  home  I had to lie to my girlfriend Irma Reyes and family that in ten days the Military was taking me to Basic Training. The Induction Centers policy was that after an Inductee passed both the written test and physical tests, then that inductee was qualified for military service. Once inducted the inductee was given a three day pass to go home and say goodbye to their families then report back for transport to their Basic Training Units throughout the U.S. . But, in my case I flunked the written test and I had to go home and was given a ten days grace period to repeat the two test again. So I went back home feeling despondent and I didn't know how to tell my family and girlfriend that I had flunked my test in San Antonio. As far as I was concerned  that situation was embarrassing and humiliating and so I concocted a wild eyed lie story that went like this. I didn't tell them that I had flunked the written test. I even stopped at a barbershop there in downtown San Antonio and got a crew cut haircut so that the whole family would think that I had been accepted. After the ten days were up the family had all given me a farewell party with all the sobbing farewells and even the religious blessings. But that thing that I did just dug me deeper in the pit because what if I had flunked the second test? So I mastered another plan in case that I should have failed again upon returning to The A fees Station to retake the tests. Again, because the policy for flunking the second round of retesting said that if one flunked the second test, that person had one more chance at testing after one year had passed. And that if the third test was flunked, there was no other recourse for entry into the military after that. Therefore, I had invented another lie just in case that I had  failed my second test. And that plan was that I was gonna hide in Austin with some of my Gatesville friends until it was safe to return and retake my third test. However, you can see how stupid that plan was because what about letters Ruben? Isn't the family gonna worry about you if they don't here from you? And Basic Training and Advance Training doesn't take a whole year to complete dummy? So that day of the second test was depressing to say the least. On the first test that I took I did pass the physical test but flunked the written test. Now, after retesting I passed the written test that I was dreading and was extremely happy about because I had passed the physical test the first time and I thought that I would pass again. But, somehow things went wrong at the Eye testing clinic because I was tested by a different person than the first one to test me. So this new person takes me to an eye Doctor so he can read my charts. As the Doctor reads on he stops and tells me I can't be accepted into Service because I am visually impaired and as a result I was Disqualified. Then he took a Red Lettered Stamp in his right hand and stamped a big "Reject" on the face cover of my folders records. Then I began to argue with this Doctor and explained that I had passed earlier before. But he raised his voice and told me that I was rejected! At that very moment the Head Eye Doctor was passing by the desk where I was and overheard our commotion. Then this Head Doctor for that eye clinic tells the testing Doctor to get me to a Specialist Eye Doctor there to retest me. So they had me retested and found that with eyeglasses my vision was perfect. Hell, even I was impressed with this new found vision with the glasses on. So now I get Stamped "Accepted" in my Records and I am told now to select a Service in the Military in which I would like to go and serve with. And as I traveled inside this huge building in downtown San Antonio, I thought to myself and said, "Ruben, no wonder that you couldn't ever see the writings on the blackboard in school?" Not only could I not understand the English Language, but I couldn't see the writings on the blackboards. Now I could see far. And I also thought about how lucky I had been to not have to go back to my family and face the horrible, and hard to ever live down, possibility of being rejected after all the farewell party and spiritual blessings! How would I ever clean that dirty lie up? And as I come up to the Recruiters Stations sections in this building I have to decide which Service do I want to be associated with forever. For me that was an easy one because all Mexican Americans seemed to want to be U.S. Marines. A very good school friend of mine named Phillip Guerrero went into the Marines and went to Viet Nam. A few years after his return he hung himself over a relationship that went wrong. Phillip Guerrero was a tough Mexican American. He would fight White College guys at a Mexican Restaurant called "Pica Taco" because he was still angry that these White people here would call us "Taco Benders," "Pepper Bellies,"  "Greasers" and "Chile Chokers" and now they were hoarding the food at this Mexican Restaurant owned by Ralph Gonzales and feasting on our spicy greasy food. I remember that when Phillip and I and another great friend named Alex Hernandez  were young we fought against many people together everywhere. And my best friend Julio Alaniz Dad who's name was Domingo Alaniz Senior was a World War Two Combat Veteran who lost his lower legs at Iwo Jima. Julio's older brother Domingo Alaniz Junior went into the Marines and served in Combat in Viet Nam in Three Tours of Duty in which he volunteered for. Domingo Alaniz was wounded in Viet Nam also. My other school friend named Arthur Machado went into the Marines and fought in Viet Nam and was shot there and survived, But now he is passed on too. And other close friends named Frank Puentes and Rito Romero joined The Marines so that was my choice too. Heck when I got into the Marines recruiting office they were all smiles and shit, but after seeing my Test Scores, they closed my folder to all my testing records and said to try another Service. They said my scores were too low for their Standards. And they pointed me out the door. They recommended The Army for me as I walked out of their office. And as I walked away I felt dejected but I was still happy because I just had to go and talk with the Army Recruiters. And so I went to The Army's Recruiters Station and I was accepted by them with no problems. So now I am thrilled and high on top of a mountain. And I figured that I would get one more pass for at least a day to say bye to my Baby, and of course spend time with her. But once The Army processed out our Acceptance letters they also had orders for me and about four hundred others to be shipped out to Fort Lewis Washington State that evening about six p.m. in late May of 1970. Once I arrived at Ft. Lewis it was getting dark there and it was cooler. We had to undergo a lot more of filling out paperwork and finally we were bunked for that night and told that we would be Quarantined for the next 20 days or more. I believe it was about 22 days altogether. Then we were isolated for the sake of ensuring that everyone was free of contagious diseases and or other physical ailments and to be vaccinated against diseases. And at this place we get to mingle and get to know who we will be spending this next Basic Training Cycle with more or less. As I said, this place is the last testing to eliminate any errors that may have been committed at The Physical Testing at The Induction Center. Some guys will be rejected here too. But for me everything went well at The Quarantine Army Center. And then what I see here is that at this Military Institution, we were herded like farm animals everywhere that we are taken and yelled at to move about fast. But much later after the Army's Service I will be diagnosed with Dyslexia. However, once here at the Basic Training Unit I almost flunk the whole Basic Training Battery of Five Physical testing series because of the scoring system. Every Test is 100 points and one has to score at least 300 points for all test to pass and keep moving on with The Cycle one is in. One can be recycled, but not more than three times or one is booted out of the Military. Therefore what you see here is a Process of Elimination where only the strong and fit survive. What the Army is doing is weeding out the weaker ones enlisted. And that's where I was finding myself because of the undiagnosed Dyslexia at that time in my case. It caused me to flunk two tests out of the five tests. But fortunately for me again, the required mandatory average for all five scores was 300 points. And I just passed with 300 points in which I scored perfect scores for those 3 tests. I don't know what you would call that outcome, but I call it "Providence." And again once at Basic Training, many guys deserted or went A.W.O.L. because this place at that time was pure hell!  It made Gatesville Reform School look easy for those first six months of Boot Camp and A.I.T.. And some guys were recycled for various reasons. But at the Advanced Infantry Training there at Ft. Lewis also, at which I was only qualified for, I went through the exact same problems with the previous two physical tests that I failed at Basic training there too. It was the undiagnosed Dyslexia problem that almost killed my dream of finding an escape from some of my flaws. But I managed through that gauntlet and I mean it was a nightmarish one filled with terror. However, I'll talk about that experience later. In closing all I want to say is that the treatment was so incredibly harsh and brutal at this place that Fort Lewis in Washington State made headlines in U.S. and World News in the late 1970's because Enlisted personnel like those who were not accustomed to this treatment there, and even the R.O.T.C. Boys who were shocked as well, complained to their parents or parents complained to the U.S. Officials about this extreme brutality dished out here day and night. The cruel and unusual punishment was nothing like that at Gatesville State School for Boys in Texas or at The Texas Department of Corrections during the 1950's through 1969 at the reform school and through 1985 at T.D.C.., but it was brutal for sure. Eventually the great Warriors Testing Grounds at Ft. Lewis and other Training Bases that executed this great plan for turning out Warriors at that time were fazed out and a more Kinder and Gentler Military Service was provided to new Recruits. And I have to say it Loud!!!!!! now..., that I am extremely glad that the U.S. Marines rejected me because The U.S. Army was meant just for me because it was an extension of myself missing from me. Therefore, I am grateful and extremely proud of The Army forever!, forever! Amen. And I am proud of The Infantry Soldiers! That's all for now. Let's sleep on that and thanks again everyone.                                                                                                                                                                                                          Respectfully,                                                                                       Ruben N. Gutierrez     

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