A Closed Mind Is...,

Bloggers, life's journey on a dull mundane bland road, can be a story more depressing then the one many people are on for the present. And I feel bad for those who ever had to endure such a life of uneventfulness however. Nevertheless, I feel that most people, and not only the poor and uneducated people, have had eventful lives regardless of some perceived boring days. You know how it is when poor people have no money, well, traveling becomes more limited and restricted, and as a result we become more confined to a location and environment. And everyday and night, it seems that we see the same old things and people over and over again. And because of our unnatural confinement and limitations we seem to live out our lives vicariously thinking fancifully thoughts that we are someone that we are not. It seems like a curse where one is stuck listening to the scratched record on a phonograph in a padded five by nine cell room, and one is strapped in some weird white clothing with hands tied behind their back and their mouth gagged. Or listening to my wife on my rides in our car when I was with her out in the country long ago and when she would repeat to me over and over, "Dad, I'm tired of looking at these cows shitty asses, take me to the Mall!" Well what is at the mall, if not more people trying to be what they are not. And while they are inside spending money they don't have, those that don't have nothing at all are breaking in into their cars in the parking lot. And out in the woods nearby these shopping centers, are scattered women's purses and belongings littering the land of the squirrel and wood pecker. I have seen credit cards and the cosmetics strewn all over the creeks where I hunt artifacts. The thieves take only what they value and throw away the rest of wallets and purses. The animals have no need of such things. And neither do I. I just make notes about such events because I learn from these experiences. I have always been poor financially so I appreciate the value of life more than ever. And although I am restricted also by various reasons to what I can do, and where I can go, I don't let that keep me from learning even at more deeper levels about the things that make us what and who we are. Remember the axiom that states, "You are responsible for your own decisions and choices, so choose wisely before you make your move." Yes, if you are intending to go anywhere, you're gonna have to move! That is what Faith is about. Faith is about taking action on what you believe. And what you believe makes all the difference in the world, either for good or bad. Nonetheless, you have to move; do a tap dance in the process but move. In other words, Do something to keep moving forward even when you cannot. In your mind psychologically or spiritually speaking your spirit is speaking to your fearful mind to trust and have faith not in yourself only, But, in "God." Someone long ago told me to Seek "God" of The Bible to help me when I could not help myself. So I have taken that wise advice from those good people and I know that this is true. Even when Faith in "God" seems a stupid thing to do, believe me, "God" prides to work through the most foolish things imaginable. I remember a dream of a few years ago, and in the dream I needed help bad. Then a Mexican man from Old Mexico showed up out off nowhere and was standing beside me. Then the man asked, "Ruben, do you need help?" And I said, "Yes!"  Then he said, "Well Ruben, take your phone out and call the owner of that land on your phone." I looked at him like this guy has lost his mind. The owner was in his ranch house high up on a hill a long distance away and I wanted to inquire about some land that he had for sale. But I couldn't read the phone number on the sell sign that was far behind a metal fence, as the house was even further set back. However the Mexican man insisted that I call this owner on my phone. So I finally asked him in a stern way and said, "How am I suppose to call him if I don't know his number?" And the man said to me, "Ruben, just dial any number, but call him." So, I was fed up with this situation, but..., I started to dial a random number. And before I finished dialing the whole numbers, The Front entry Metal Gate leading up the road to this owners house opened up." And right there and then my eyes opened wide in shock because I couldn't believe this. Then up at the front porch a Whole Mexican family came out to look at us and wave at us to come in. Then the Mexican man said to me in a stern voice, "Ruben, do you know what your problem is..., You Don't Have Any Faith At All!" This ends the dream. But, can you see that Faith is more than just Believing, Faith is taking action on what you believe. Therefore, I plant my seeds everywhere that I go and I continue to learn even in my confined restricted ways now. I don't need to watch Soap Operas and Situation Comedies on T.V. or at Theatres, Life itself presents more than enough all around me to last me many life times of suspense and drama, and comedy. For example, and in closing, I was in Seguin, Texas one week end day and I decided to go and kill some time at a park there and look around for some rocks. And as I walked in some thicket I came upon a clearing and a pavilion was set inside this thicket. Everything was overgrown around it and as I looked around I saw no one except a young White Guy passed out on top of his bicycle. This place had belonged to a well known White Man Slave Plantation Owner. There were metal benches to sit in under the metal roof so I went to sit down next to this young guy who I will call him J.T.. When J.T. woke up he told me that he was 22 years old, and he too had a sad story to tell that has echoed and reverberated like an old refrain from ancient times. His dad had abandoned him and his mom since he was little. He was a heavy user of drugs and I saw him drinking muddy water from a pool that had collected from the rain fall the night before. He even washed his face in it. All I did was listen and once in awhile I would ask a question just to keep him counting his story. At the end he told me that at nights he couldn't sleep because of Sleep Paralysis. He said that demons just wouldn't leave him alone. He told me that now he was hanging out with the homeless people. And as I watch the sun going down, I said to J.T., "J.T. I have to go now. It's been an honor to spend time with you. I wish you well and I hope that things go well for you." Then he stood straight up on his feet and looked at me and said to me, "Look at my finger nails Ruben, I have eaten almost all of them off because of The Meth. I can't sleep Ruben. And I don't want to sit in my house all alone. And I know that if I keep going this way Ruben, I am gonna die. And you what Ruben, all this time that we have talked  you have not once passed judgement on me, nor have you thumped any scriptures at me." Then he said, "Ruben, last night my mother took me out to eat at a Chinese restaurant in town and I got a fortune cookie. And inside the cookie was my fortune script. And I loved it so much I kept it." Then he reached in his pant pocket and pull the tiny strip of paper that read his fortune. And he said to me, "Ruben, but I am giving to you!" Then he handed the fortune script to me and I read it and I had to smile as I watch this highly intelligent kid smile back at me, and it read, "A Closed Mind Is... A Closed Book." Then I shook his hand and said thank you J.T., but before I go I do want to tell you something. And as he looked at me kind of sad because over two hours had passed like a flash of lightening, then I said to him, "J.T., you are not gonna die and you will not always be like this. You will be fine and Free of those demons that haunt you..., you will see." And then his eyes got big and was in shock and then he smiled, and we parted ways. And as I drove home I thanked my "God" again for never giving me a boring day ever. And I knew that at home a small can of Tuna waited for me with two white slices of bread for my supper. Let us sleep on that and thanks again.                                                                                                   Respectfully,                                                                                                                                              Ruben N. Gutierrez