You hide your secrets well!!!

Bloggers, I am 74 years old and medically speaking I am riddled with medically diagnosed conditions that should have killed me long ago. Yet, I am still here. And although I am an old man and almost crippled...  people give me compliments everyday about the fact that I do not look either sick or old. The other day I was talking to my son in law, and I was telling him how bad weather really adds a lot of pain to my back condition. And afterwards he responds to me and says, "Ruben, if you say nothing about your pain, we wouldn't be able to tell that you are even hurting. Because by the way you walk and move around, all I can say is that you really know how to hide your pain well." Well, over many years of my life I grew up in a cruel and viciously unkind world. Although my life among my immediate family was somewhat loving, I had to eat a troubled life whether I liked or not. And in a hard cold environment there is no room for the weak. Therefore, I had to incorporate into my lifestyle the attitude and personality that would show no weakness or pain, nor fear. And now my God commands me to have no fear! And that is what gives me the natural ability to move physically everywhere that I go without displaying my internal condition. Further, it was my military experience that contributed to reinforcing this attitude although we knew, and I knew, as soldiers that Death could come to us at any moment. So that is how I live out the rest of life today too. I don't want no one to look at me and feel sorry for me. I have never sought out people for the sake of having them have pity on me. Oh no, not me. I just said in so many words that I do not consider myself weak or passive. I come from the Streets and that is where I love to go. I don't do the things I used to do in the streets, but I love to be in that environment because those are the people that schooled me in being who I am now. I have committed serious crimes and sins in my life of which I am not proud of. Nonetheless, I learned to keep secrets that were necessary to keep. I confessed them to God and Him alone, and He knows that I have. And He knows that I have begged Him to transform me completely so that I do not have to dwell on these things. Because as Christians we think that to accept Jesus Christ into one's life and just keep going to Church is enough to secure one's Salvation, but it is not. There is so much more to securing Salvation for a Christian. And remember, there is that issue of Sin that accumulates as one lives out their life. For example, I have Christian friends that tell me about the life they live. And they tell me all about the good things they do that they want me to hear. And since I am not a busy body meddling in other peoples' business nor prying about them to others that know them, I believe what they tell me. I remember, one day some years ago I was talking to a very good old friend of mine who is five years older than me. He comes from the same streets as I do. So, I love this guy and respect him deeply. And as he was talking to me about his Christian life, he was telling me then that he has an altar to many saints in his house. But he doesn't attend Catholic Church anymore and hasn't for many years. He attends Pentecostal Churches. And he said that he clothes them and in cold nights he covers them with miniature blankets and blesses them and in return ask the saints for their blessings for him also. I just listen and make no comments and listen on. Then we depart as friends as always. Much later, a relative of mine is talking with me and she asked me if I knew that my friend had been busted for child Molestation in the past. And I said that I didn't know. Then she shows me records on her phone about the incidents where my friend had done time for that already. Then that conversation ended, and we departed as friends as always. But I was bothered for that news about my friend because we are both on the threshold of Deaths Door in our old age. No one knows when Old Death will come around to claim our lives. So, I worried for my friend in more ways than one. Just like I worry for myself too. Then in September 2024 I have a strange dream about my old friend. And this is the dream..., watch. As the dream opens, I see the setting is at our Rio Vista main Park near the railroad Black Bridge that crosses over the San Marcos, Texas River. The sun is just set but there are people still mingling in the park. I see myself standing at the top of some stone steps that lead to a tiny island in the middle of the river. As I see myself, I am looking up toward the east end of the railroad bridge toward Catholic Church near River Road. Then I see my friend who I was talking about, and he is on a bicycle with oversized black and white wheels, and he is riding this bike on top of one railroad track and moving west fast. Then the wheels begin to light up with a white light all around them. My friend seemed excited as he balanced the bike on one track. At first, I thought he would make it across the bridge on one track. But the track changed and turned into a high arch. Then I worried for him as he ascended. However, he made it to the top. However, coming down was very steep and sharp and I really worried for him then. But he tucked his shoulders low to the steering bar and peddled harder downhill. But..., just as he was reaching level track, I heard him scream as he lost control of the bike and gets thrown off. And as I saw him fly down towards the river, I thought at the angle he was thrown off the bike, he wouldn't land on water, but on the river's west bank. But he hit at the edge of the river making a big splash of crystal-clear river water skyward. Then I saw him propelled and flying out of the river and he flew without the bike going west. And as he flew in the air, he screamed these words out loud just like my friend always spoke and said, "Ojala que la haga..., pero si no la hago, es que las debeia!" The English translation is, "I hope I will make it to Heaven, but if I don't make it..., it's because I owed for my sins!" This ends the dream. Therefore, it is obvious that just because we think we are heading heavenwards after Death, doesn't guarantee Salvation. It only guarantees Judgement to come. Some will make it after judgement, many will not. So daily introspection can never be a bad thing as well as talking with God constantly and living an obedient faithful and righteous life. Man, do I fall short at other categories like anger and wanting to be with a good woman. Oh well, I hope that I make it too. I hope that you make it too. Thanks again.                                                                                                                                                    Respectfully,                                                                                                                                               Ruben N. Gutierrez