One Day I will have a lot of Oil and a lot of Gold!!!

Bloggers, at almost 75 years old, and even after a very difficult life experience thus far, I don't give up on God. To be honest with the readers I hardly ever cry as I go through the gauntlet of this life experience because I have been beaten down merciless by so many obstacles in my way, and by makings of bad choices in my life, that I am almost immune to the pain. In either event I do not recall crying over my troubles much except when I couldn't be with my mom when she was hospitalized with T.B. for 11 years way back since I was one year old. After visiting with her on one weekend day and leaving her was a crying nightmare for me. My brothers and Dad took the leaving after the two hours visit in stride, but not me. Those years were a trauma for me. But when my mom's funeral came in September 3rd,1962 I didn't cry no more tears until my infant son died at 13 months in Germany in March 30th,1974. And when he died, I cried more than for anyone close to me, even my 3 brothers, Dad, and my wife. I don't cry unless I remember my boy, that's all. And ever since I have lived alone and undergoing so many setbacks and heartaches and physical pain, I still don't cry. Ah but when I was in church, at the last church for ten years straight, and the Holy Spirit anointing came down on me which seemed to be every Thursday and Sunday nights service at Worship time, I was broken down into screaming and crying praises to God because of that special love that only God can produce and give to those who worship in truth and in spirit. Oh, I cried then, and I miss that anointing a great deal. But that anointing is about real divine love and that is why I cried because it was not depressing or sad, but about peace and joy unspeakable. Therefore, now that I am not in Church for the last 2 and a half years, I feel empty must of the time. However, I keep seeking God and trying to obey Him as much as possible because I have to keep my relationship with Him strong. I know what He demands and expects out of me, and I am constantly cognizant of the dangers of being slack in my due diligence towards Him and His Word. After all my backslidings and being caught up in the endless sin cycle that many Christians get themselves caught in throughout our Christian Walk, we learn from our immaturity. Or we are supposed to learn from our failings. And so here I am in this funk again knowing that I have to find a good church once again and stay with it. Why Ruben..., what good will that do you when after all the pastors and most of congregations don't like your personality? Well, for starters, I will be in better standing with God the Holy Spirit than I am right now, notwithstanding what anybody else thinks of me. I will surely have more legal grounds for spiritual and moral Authority when fighting against Satan and satanic powers also. I mean, I know that I have authority now, but I can have more power than that when I am in total obedience with God. And further, I will be able not only to encourage myself in Christ Jesus when I am trying to break out of these barriers and gauntlet alive and in one piece, but I will be helped by God Himself to break me out Himself when I feel that I am so close to that victory but am being pressed down by my enemies and by own makings. That is why I need to be Right with God, or I will never be busted out of this miserable condition and feeling of... not being Complete in Christ Jesus. What good will it do me to have a lot of Gold and no Oil for the Lamp of Gold? I can have Light and be running out of Oil to flame the Fire for the Light... then what? Yes, I encourage myself with God's Word and Promises, and by my dreams too! When things look completely bleak for me, I review my dream journals. And today I reread my December 7th, 2020, dream. And this was a dream set in a very dark room at night and all the window curtains are closed. In the room are other men standing looking at a large thick tan curtain that covered the front picture window in the living room. And Satan is sitting in a chair behind us and staring at us standing. And all we can see of him is his dark silhouette in the dark room behind us. And for some strange reason I said out loud, "One day I am going to have a breakthrough, and when I do, I am going to have a lot of Oil and a lot of Gold!" And then I went over to Satan where he sat, and I mockingly tapped him on his right shoulder fast and hard and ran like a rabbit laughing at him as I saw him jump out of his chair with a whole lot of anger and gave chase after me as I disappeared out the back door. And here that dream ends. And Satan never caught me in that dream. And remember that I am 75 years old now and I look forward to my God keeping His Promises to me. I am trying my best to keep my end of the Contract because I want to be Complete in Christ Jesus and enjoy the Fulness of everything that He has promised me. However, without the Oil I am not complete even if I have the Gold. The Ten Virgins were all dressed in "White and had their Virginity", but five ran out of Oil for their Gold Candles at midnight when all the merchants who sold Oil for Lamps were closed. You can see clearly what that symbolism means in the Bible. God is the Source of the Gold and the Oil. We are the branches that receive both the gold and oil from Him. And we are supposed to be the conduits for bringing Light to the Nations because God loves all His Creation, not just a few. God is not a respecter of persons. Nonetheless, one day I will have a lot of Oil and Gold and will be complete in Him and my purpose and Mission for why He has brought me to this Earth will be accomplished. But it is my responsibility to flame into fire the gift of God, which demands constant flow of Oil. Gold and or White regal Clothing or pure holy Virginity is not enough if there is no Holy Oil flowing into us. How else can I put it; we can't hoodwink God. So Let Us Sleep On That for now. Thanks again.                                Respectfully,                                                                                                                                            Ruben N. Gutierrez