The Snow-Capped Mountain with the River of Love flowing from it!!!!

Bloggers, when I reflect on myself and my own character traits that have been shaped and transformed over many years of my life, as I traveled on my journey in life, by all definitions I am a man with many faces as all human beings are. And I know that I have not been perfected completely along the path of my journey as of yet. However, like all humans who have been born into a normal physically body, I have struggled to live and survive from the day that I was born.  Nothing is ever easy for us as we already know. But because we all have the same struggles to contend with naturally every day, we all share the same hardships at some levels almost the same way. Not exactly the same way for everyone because then life would be a drag and very predictable and a very boring experience. Nonetheless, our struggles remain almost the same and the old refrain still remains the same and that is, we keep trying to do better, but we stumble and fall along the way and thus, we fail at what we were supposed to accomplish or at what we set our sights to accomplish. Like the actor in the old movie titled "A Streetcar named Desire" with Marlon Brando who yelled at his woman who was at her window up on a high-rise apartment while he was standing in the rain at night and said, "Estella...I could have been somebody!" The actor was an aspiring boxer in this movie with potential at becoming professional but didn't for this reason or that. But he failed at his goal. It's sad... I know because the good guy doesn't always win in real life. Nonetheless, because the journey in our life doesn't end at the rejection of love or its end, or at the termination of a career or wherever we failed at, if only we just get back up and keep going forward...because something else waits to test us even further to see whether or not we will break and just stop in your forward momentum and refuse to live... just up ahead again. Human struggles never end and that is the poetic beauty in it all. Can you picture Marlon Brandon soaking wet in the rain and his hair is a mess and he looks like a mess, but he wails his pain at Estella despondently for her love. And then there is the fatal decision at meeting yourself at the cross-roads like defeated people and that is, when in your movement you take the wrong turn and lose your way. Life is a hard struggle, and it calls for quick thinking based on reasoning abilities and sound judgement and being rational in these difficult situations. In my life I have seen best friends and great friends lose everything good that they had going for themselves over some things we never saw coming our way and that they didn't Forsee ahead of them especially when by all appearance everything seemed like it was smooth sailing in calm waters for all of us in these places before. For example, there was my best friend Phillip who survived the Vietnam war in the Infantry in the Marine Corp only to fall in love with his girlfriend then wife right after his return and then one day she found a better man that she liked better than Phillip and left him. Phillip couldn't take the rejection and hung himself. Then there is my friend Sgt. Barrett at Fort Hood, Texas who went on leave for 30 days but didn't tell his wife that he would be home to his loving wife in Georgia because he wanted to surprise her. Well, Barrett was intending to make the Army a Career and if you had seen Phillip or Sgt Barrett, they were the epitome of Strack soldiers. But Sgt Barrett got home at the wrong time because his beautiful wife was engaged in a sex act with another man. And Barrett lost his reasoning abilities momentarily and shot the man dead, Then Barrett ended in Federal Prison on a life sentence. Life is a testing obstacle course that does not give notice or warning at what is destined to happen to each individual along the road of life. Things just catch us by surprise and that is why I say that everybody's experience is their own and does have though precedent for it from other people who had similar conclusions in their life stories also. So, why did these guys that I just mentioned react the way that they did whereas others would not do those things at all. If I caught my wife cheating, I would leave her and hope to find a better one. Not long ago a friend told me that another good friend of mine named Stacy had hung himself because his wife had left him. So, one day I went to ask around about Stacy, and but no one seemed to know anything about this story. Then I decided to go to the cemetery and see if I could find a marker for him there. And as I walked around the city cemetery, I saw a large brand-new truck parked at a freshly covered grave. And some man was sitting inside so I looked closely at this guy to see who he was because he was parked nearby at Stacy's family plot there. And then he saw me and jumped out the truck and yelled out my name and said, "Ruben...is that you!" Then I yelled at him and said, ".hit! Stacy, they told me you were dead man." Then he said, "Ruben, my mom just died, it wasn't me. Besides she died of very old age, Ruben. It wasn't me. Besides why did they tell you that I die?" Then I said, "they told me that you had hung yourself because your wife left you." Then he said, "Oh no Ruben, as much as you know that I love my wife, I wouldn't kill myself over that. There are many women out there who are available and willing to give us a try." And that is how I see it too. But this action applies to all facets of life. I will not quit at life for any reason. Life is hard and it will make us wish at times that we were never born because of how ugly and messy life can get, not only in the physical and natural world but our spiritual being as well. And because I saw with my own eyes what some people only read about or see in movies, I can testify that love can torture a person and drive them crazy or into death sometimes. And I am glad that I have deep scars to prove that as the song said, "Love Hurts!" And because I am a walking wounded human being, I am glad that a Mexican American Evangelist at the minimum back in 1979 and 1980 told me about, and convinced me, to receive Jesus Christ into my life as my personal Savior. And as I said before, my story is not unique because others have walked the path that I have walked too. And I know that because I have seen them walking this path in my dreams. Just like I have seen myself walking at the tail end with Moses in the desert experienced called the Exodus. And the trail of the Exodus is where many Christians who have made a decision to follow Jesus Christ are or will find yourselves in or at as you decide to or are walking on it now also. So, believe me when I say that if you are a true believer and follower of Christ Jesus you will know from the very start of the Pilgrim journey to heaven, that God will be with you all the way. Many times, however, it will not seem that way but anyhow do not give up until your service to God is over and He tells you it is over. Nevertheless, my heart does go out to those who have given up on life just because of love or whatever other reason. I mean it. I don't say this lightly because depression and anger and hate and suicide and homicide are a sad and bad combination. Just this past Saturday evening I decided to go wash my car at the carwash here in San Marcos, Texas. I had got into a funk about this weather lately and had decided it wasn't worth washing my car. But I forced myself to go after a month of not washing the car. And so, after washing it I then started to dry it manually with towels. And in the stall next to me there was a young tall Black man about 6 feet five inches or 7 inches tall drying his car next to me. And I could see that he was having problems with the drying and cleaning of the lower parts of his small car. So, I went to tease him about the advantages of men's heights and so forth and that conversation went so deep that I didn't expect what followed. I have noticed that my simple off the wall conversations with many people since I was in the Army in 1970-76 have turned into serious personal conversations on the part of the other people and has been happening more frequently and I don't understand how that happens. I mean it was fast how we went from a passing joke into a conversation about a dark and deep depression on his part. He told me that he has lived out of his car for over a year and hadn't washed it since. He said that the reason that he had gotten so depressed for a couple of years was because he had caught his girlfriend with his best friend in an unfaithful sex act and that he got to see all the sexual pictures she had taken with that person too. And he said that was what set him on the destructive course that he was on. But he said that the day at the car when we met was when he had decided to come out and face reality and wash his car. He said that he was a recluse since the break-up with his woman. Then he pulled his T-shirt over his chest and show me a huge, stitched area in his stomach that was caused when he jumped to end his life over a bridge he said. Then I told him that I felt for him, and he smiled at me and asked me, "Do you know how it feels to be suffering from depression?" I said yes, I know something about that feeling. But I told him that when I feel that way... it is never long lasting because I know that God can and will get me through the dark times. And I told him that God can get you through it too. And I told him that all he had to do was to just start to attend a Church where he is led to and to work his way out of that depression. And I said to him to just keep moving forward and focus on another woman or a job, and on God, and that will help him get ahead and he doesn't have to dwell on that dark time. I said to him, God will get you out of any depression rut no matter how difficult your path gets. I said to him that I am still working on trying to get out of mine. So, I know how it feels to suffer depression. I said to him; besides you have survived living in this cramped up little car for over a year and you survived that jump of that bridge, that means you can survive anything that life throws at you now. But please don't be a recluse! And he smiled and shook my hand and we parted ways. As I said, life is a journey and it will try us until it kills us, but before it does, we will go right through it until the end in Jesus Christ Name. Further, I have dreamed in years past of two places where foolish and ignorant people hang out in a metaphorical way of speaking. And I have been to two types of Mountain Tops in my dreams. In one mountain top there is no snow on top of its peak only exposed rock. And here demonic entities that look like animals and even humans live. And there is always just one huge tree at its peak. And in the one without snow, I am warning the people walking near it that it is falling and that they need to clear out. But the people ignored me. Then the tall, massive tree breaks at the trunk base and falls on those people on that mountain top. Then those that survive complained and cried about why anyone didn't warn them. They were warned but they chose to ignore me and or were too distracted by what turned them on at that moment. Those people there lacked wisdom. And then I have seen the Mountain Top with snow cap on its peak, and there many people are gathered at a Wooden high cross post beam that runs over two upright very tall side post for a wide opening to an open Passage-Way into a very Holy Place at daytime. And at the very tail end of all those people standing there and waiting I see myself standing behind them too. This Mountain Top... I like to call the House of Wisdom and of our God because God is the Author and Creator of all Wisdom. And there are no ignorant people here. And from the melting snows... run One River that runs in the 4 cardinal directions as four rivers that are flowing to all four corners of the World with Love and Life. And the Wood Beams is the Tree of Life. This is not a House built on Sand or Confusion or ignorance or evil knowledge or the deep things of Satan. Because the God of Creation built this House of Wisdom for all people, but the majority of God's people rejected His Love and Grace for the bad tree. and wrong mountain without snow cap or Crown of Wisdom Hair on it.  Hence, God took us Failures who acknowledge His love and His Son Jesus Christ as our Savior and redeemed us from those failures when we stumbled and fell through His Grace and Blood and then He restored us back into right standing with Himself and has given us the Rights to His Blessings that we didn't deserve. And furthermore, He Shines His Light of Truth on us and set us free from the hell that we did deserve. So, which Mountain top will you choose? So Let Us sleep On That for now until next time. And if Israel would only choose Jesus Christ also instead of making life difficult for many in the world, it too can be Redeemed completely. Thanks again. Peace to all who suffer serious depression all over the world!                                                                                                                                                 Respectfully,                                                                                                                                                 Ruben N. Gutierrez